


Out of Tune

by kj_graham



Series: Sastiel Love Week 2o2o [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I may be projecting sadness onto him whoops, M/M, Sam is sad, This is kinda deep im sorry, this is also kinda sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23555428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_graham/pseuds/kj_graham
Summary: For the Sastiel Love Week prompt "date night."Date nights don't always go as planned for Sam and Castiel. Tonight is just one of those nights. They make do.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Series: Sastiel Love Week 2o2o [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692472
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31
Collections: Sastiel Love Week 2020





	Out of Tune

Date nights don’t always go as planned for Sam and Castiel. The nature of their life, all the hunting, all the interventions, all the storms of drama and problems they found themselves in; all of these always seem to interfere.

But…it wouldn’t be fair to blame these failed dates completely on their lifestyle. Sometimes other things got in the way; Jack, most recently, was so alluring to just be around, to parent, that Sam and Castiel either didn’t go on their date or they made it a family outing with Jack. Sometimes they were simply tired.

Tonight seems like it may be another one of those nights. Castiel is ready, wearing his second-ever button down that he and Sam bought one time. It’s a deep maroon color and Castiel loves the way Sam looks at him when he wears it. No matter how many times Sam sees him in the same date night attire, he’s as enthusiastic as if he’s never seen Castiel so gorgeous. He’s wearing his everyday suit pants, his belt, and he’s cleaned his dress shoes so they shine.

Sam likes the idea of getting ready in separate rooms. He likes the reveal. He’d worried, when they’d first gotten together, that Castiel would think of that as stupid or girlish, but Castiel just wanted to make Sam happy. He didn’t care what form that came in.

Castiel checks his phone again. Sam usually takes a few minutes longer than him, but he should be done by now. Castiel can’t help his face splitting into a smile as he approaches the door of Sam’s old bedroom. The door’s closed, so he knocks, entering to Sam’s muffled “come in.”

The smile drops a bit. Sam isn’t ready the way Castiel had expected, all cleaned up in a dress shirt and tie and wearing the dress shoes that don’t have a hole in the toe.

Sam’s sitting on his old bed, in his boxers and a t-shirt, fiddling with the sleeve of a dark blue dress shirt and not making eye contact with Castiel.

“Sam?” Cas asks. He takes a few more steps into the room. “Are you alright?”

Sam makes a huffing noise, like something’s vaguely funny. “Yeah, Cas. I’m alright.”

He still won’t look up. His head is bowed, his face cast in shadow, but Castiel doesn’t like the edge of a frown that he can see. And he knows that Sam wants to make Castiel happy, so he will pretend he’s fine when he isn’t if that’ll end up leading to a night Castiel will enjoy. Castiel won’t. If Sam is not okay, Castiel is not okay either.

“You’re not,” Castiel says, gently. He doesn’t move any closer to Sam yet. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Sam says. “I’ll get ready and we’ll go, just give me a minute.”

“Sam.”

“Cas. I’m fine. I promise.”

Castiel does move closer then. He drops to crouch in front of Sam, and then he can really see Sam’s face. Pained. Worn. The shadows under his eyes are more pronounced today.

“Sam,” Castiel says, still trying to keep his voice soft. “You’re unhappy. Something’s wrong.”

Sam sighs. He scrubs a hand over his face, back through his hair. He finally looks Castiel straight in the eyes. “It’s really not important. I’ll be over it by the time we get to the restaurant.”

Castiel can’t take this any more. He leans forward so he can rest one hand on Sam’s face, can rub his thumb back and forth over Sam’s cheekbone. “It’s clearly important to you. And I don’t want to go out if you are not okay, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes flicker shut. He leans into Castiel’s palm, one hand coming up to grip his wrist.

They’re left in silence for a moment, nothing but Sam’s slightly shaky breathing filling the room.

Castiel is staring at his shoes when Sam speaks.

“What if I’m not a good father to Jack?”

Castiel’s head snaps up. Sam’s frowning at him. “What?”

Sam sighs. His face scrunches into frustration before smoothing back out into something tired and sad. “What if…I mean, what if I’m not…Cas, our dad screwed up a lot with me and Dean.”

Castiel presses closer, leaning up so he can cup Sam’s face in both hands and press their foreheads together. “You aren’t your father, Samuel.”

Sam’s lips are quivering. He’s beginning to look close to tears. “But what if..what if I don’t do it right? I mean, with all the mistakes I’ve made…I just…god, Cas, I don’t wanna hurt him.”

Castiel shakes his head. “You won’t. Jack loves you. He loves us. You are not a bad father.”

Sam’s face crumples. Cas takes it as his cue to pull away, moving so that he can sit on the bed instead. He barely has his palm on Sam’s shoulder before the taller man is curling into him, burying his face against Castiel’s collarbone.

Castiel hates the nights and days like these. Things take a toll on Sam. They do on Dean, too, but Dean won’t let anyone see him hurt.

Sam is much more open. He has this beautiful, sensitive, empathetic soul and it’s one of the things that made Castiel fall in love with him. Unfortunately, it also makes Sam hit rock bottom sometimes. He gets caught in a depressive state. Sometimes Castiel has to beg him to eat. They both hate it. If they had money for medication, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But no fraudulent credit card will get them years of antidepressants. Instead, Sam suffers, and he hates it, and Castiel hates to watch it.

“Cas,” Sam whispers. “I don’t think I want to go anywhere tonight.”

“I know,” Castiel whispers back. “I’ll change. We’ll keep watching that show.”

“Hannibal,” Sam whispers.

“Hannibal,” Castiel agrees.

Even though he’s promised to go change, neither of them move for another couple of minutes. Sam is heavy and warm against Castiel’s chest, his breath damp against the junction of Castiel’s neck and shoulder.

When they do move, Sam going to put his shirt away and Castiel moving to change, Castiel pauses in the doorway.

“I love you.”

Sam offers him a very weak smile. “Love you.”

Sam comes to join Castiel a few minutes later. He crawls into their bed with his laptop while Castiel folds his date night clothes and puts them away in the dresser. As usual, he’s now swamped in one of Sam’s shirts, one of his old pairs of sweatpants.

Sam usually laughs at the way Castiel drowns in his clothes. Tonight, it does manage to make him smile.

While Sam sets up the show on his laptop, Castiel climbs into bed. Sam immediately presses himself to Castiel’s chest without even looking away from the screen, his head on Castiel’s shoulder and his body a long line of warmth against Castiel’s side.

Just before the show starts, as Sam rests the laptop on his legs and slings an arm over Castiel’s torso, Castiel guides him into a lazy, warm kiss.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Castiel whispers. “But I promise you’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Sam says. A beat. “I love you, Castiel.”

“I love you too, Sam.”

The episode starts. Something immediately gruesome—a cello made from a man’s neck—and yet again Castiel wonders why they watch this show considering the things they see on the daily. But it is a very good show, and any show is good if he gets to watch it with Sam.

This is how date nights go sometimes: Sam and Castiel stay in. They leave Dean and Jack to their own devices for the night and hole up in their room. Sometimes they just talk. Sometimes, like tonight, they curl up and watch a show, which Sam inevitably falls asleep in the middle of and Castiel predictably watches while constantly running his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sometimes Sam cries. Sometimes they don’t say anything or watch anything, just soak up each other’s presence. Sometimes Castiel cries.

it doesn’t make their love any less special; in fact, it makes it even more special to Castiel, who is constantly honored to experience such intimacy with this man, this hero, that he loves, in all the ways possible.

Date nights don’t always go as planned for Sam and Castiel. But they love each other. That, in both their opinions, is worth a whole lot more than any stupid date.


End file.
